She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
