so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
