I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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