Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It's just like the Real World with babies
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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