fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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