So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
