I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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