if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
