I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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