Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
