I heard we made out
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
