Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
