Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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