Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
