I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I think I died a long time ago.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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