That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
