I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We left the knife in your bed.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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