He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize