worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize