He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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