Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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