either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
