Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
