Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
