just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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