No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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