i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
