Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
