Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
