i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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