hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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