I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
