I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
