is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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