is wine microwaveable?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
