Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
