His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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