Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
