i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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