Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
