Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
