my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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