4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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