FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
And then he peed in my hair
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