well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
