if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
