I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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