I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Randomize
