there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
