ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He felt like a one man threesome
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
