"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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