dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
