Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
