Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
