so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize