I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
