One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
