Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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