Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
