What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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