we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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