You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
