I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You're like the curious george of whores
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize