it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
