I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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