He passed out mid-signature
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
