Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
