careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
