Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
