did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
