either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
